So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
