we have officially lost it.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
