i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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