And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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