Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
