Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
