You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Everything about him screamed your future.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
