we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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