She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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