this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You were trust falling into bushes
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
