If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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