Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
