can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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