I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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