Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
