Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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