I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
