Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
