this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
