she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
