Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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