I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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