So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
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btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
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Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
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