Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
