Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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