dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
