All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
