my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm at about main and main street
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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