Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
