walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
