I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
