i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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