remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
