your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm too high and old for this...
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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