Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
