She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
