I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
