I got chris browned last night
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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