sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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