should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
