Is it normal to miss your booty call?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
