Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
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