Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I fill condoms, not promises.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
