I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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