My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
