? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
