you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Who died my cat blue again?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
