i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
