Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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