Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
