It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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