i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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