Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
