so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
