I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
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she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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