The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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