explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
