his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
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I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
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Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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