Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
4 words: hood of his car
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
