I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
try to milk me bitch
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
