He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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