So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
