Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
