I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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