I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
