I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
