I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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